Triggers

In my book I discuss triggers as they relate to baby loss. For a baby loss mom there are so many triggers that pop up out of seemingly nowhere, and often leave women feeling confused and sad. Some triggers are assumed ~ the due date of your child, birthdays, anniversaries, the list could go on.

Some triggers are not assumed ~ such as the beginning of the school year. I remember the first time I saw kids walking to school after Abby died ~ I was struck with such a wave of grief, and I hadn’t anticipated it, and I hear the same story from other baby loss moms. As their child should be of school age, the start of the school year brings a wave of sadness and longing. With the start of the school year we are reminded of the dreams of who our child “should” have been, and we wonder what our child would be like. What would they look like? What their style would be? What kind of personality they had?

During this time social media is not your friend. Seeing the excited faces of your friends kids can feel like a dagger to the heart. Sometimes we can celebrate with a limited number of friends, but we don’t need to see all the posts of kids on their first day. The desire to be excited for your friends kids can often be overshadowed by your own grief, and that is ok.

Triggers impact all of us. Triggers spark an intense emotional reaction, regardless of you emotional state at the moment. A trigger could happen while you are enjoying a cup of coffee with a friend and suddenly you are filled with an unexpected emotion; seemingly out of nowhere. The trigger could be as small as the smell of someone’s perfume walking by and you are filled with longing for someone who wore/wears the same scent. Visiting a sick friend in a hospital could fill you with fear and sadness because of saying goodbye to someone dying in that same hospital.

If you are finding that you are “activated” (triggered) by the start of school I would encourage you to take a break from social media. Even if it just a day or two. Allow yourself some time to be with your emotions and thoughts. If you journal take some time to write your thoughts down.

If you are randomly triggered take a minute to recognize what is going on for you. Allow yourself to be with the emotion brought up, and allow it the space it needs.

If needed, give yourself some extra self care.