Coping

Coping ~

We have all heard the term “coping skills”.

We all have them, some of us have them without labeling them as coping skills. I mean, we have all had our fair share of retail therapy, right? Who hasn’t thought to themselves, “today was rough, these new shoes will help”?

And how about emotional eating? I will be the first to admit that sometimes chocolate makes the day just a little bit better. Some would say this is an unhealthy coping mechanism, others will say it is a healthy skill, as long as it is in moderation. Counting to 10 when we are angry is a great coping skill to avoid saying something we will regret.

I am not at all suggesting that every time you buy shoes it is retail therapy ~ sometimes we just want a new pair of shoes.

Any skill or strategy that helps to decrease stress, help with anxiety or manage our emotions is considered a coping skill. We use them without even knowing it. We fine tune these skills as we grow, some of them are considered healthy, while other skills we label as “bad”. While I was studying for my licensure exam to become a therapist I ate 12 chocolate chip cookies. Yep… A DOZEN COOKIES. I am pretty sure this is an example of what not to do….

When we are thrown into new areas of stress, anxiety or grief we often find that our old skills no longer work. We are left in this unknown territory with no way to manage it. This creates a secondary layer of fear and internal chaos. We are already dealing with whatever the stressor is, and now we are left fumbling because what used to work is no longer working. We are having to find new ways to manage in the midst of what is already overwhelming.

Sometimes the best thing to do in that scenario is to take a moment and lean into all the feelings. What I mean is this; take a moment to not avoid what is going on for you. Don’t pick up your phone and start scrolling, don’t shut down any emotion by online shopping, or eating. Don’t tell yourself to “stop it”. Just sit…

It is true that you may not be able to label all of the feelings, and it will feel really uncomfortable. I’m not going to lie, it is super uncomfortable. Even if you can lean in for just a minute you can find strength there. Remember to breathe. Breathing always helps. When we lean in and learn to trust ourselves in the new territory, we find new ways to cope.