Is My Grief Normal?

Is this normal? Shouldn’t I be done with this by now? Why isn’t my friend (or daughter, or partner) better yet?

I’ve heard these questions countless times in my work with families after baby loss.

I will always be the first to shout that there is no timeline for grief. Each person’s grief journey looks different, and there really is no “normal.” The only thing normal about grief is that every one of us will experience it at some point in our lives.

I want to repeat something I wrote in my post on prolonged grief disorder:

Putting a timeline on grief perpetuates the idea that we can get stuck. It feeds the notion that we must “move on” based on someone else’s idea of what is appropriate. I do not believe that someone can get stuck in their grief. We do not EVER get stuck in grief. Sometimes grief lasts a lifetime, and we become strong enough to carry it with us.

Someone reading this right now is thinking, “I’m not strong enough.” That may be true in this very moment, but it won’t be true in the next. Take a breath, and maybe another. You are strong enough to breathe. You are strong enough to feel the pain.

Give yourself time to be sad

If you are in a place of grief and searching for ways to feel better ~ allow yourself the time to feel sad.

Sometimes, though, the best way to grieve is to reach out for extra help, and sometimes that help comes from a licensed therapist.

When to reach out

• If you notice you’re pulling away from people and isolating ~ reach out to a trusted friend or find a therapist.
• If you can’t get out of bed ~ please seek help from a therapist.
• If you feel like no one understands what you’re trying to explain ~ a therapist will.
• If your thoughts turn toward not wanting to live ~ please get help right away. You can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time, day or night.

Sometimes the weight of grief feels heavy ~ that is normal. And even when we know our grief is normal, it is still OK to reach out for support.